Note 1:  Is this Truth or Fiction I was asked after a live performance?  Both I answered.  It’s fiction because the tales are many times very true stories of many other women, folded up into the persona of our heroine, the incomparable Ruby Gardenia.  It is Truth, because the stories within the Ruby Adventure have happened to many women before in different details and circumstances.

Note 2: I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet that this show was and is very southern, deep-south as a matter of fact.  A few backstory details of Ruby, are that she was born Oct 12, 1954, to a beautiful mother who died when she was a young girl.  Ruby was blessed with a mother educated at a prestigious Women’s college, high minded and a social elite, who married her handsome serious father who was a retired Major in the US Air Force.  After his retirement from the Service Major Gardenia became a Science Teacher and Head Coach of the County High School Football team. With 3 State Championship titles to his credit. He slid into the job easily because of his college football background as a winning quarterback and reputation as a strict disciplinarian with strong leadership abilities.

Here we go with Part 2.

Ruby:  Welcome…welcome to Larson’s…Larson’s of Charleston,

SC…Not to be confused with Larson’s of New Orleans …Biloxi…

Mobile…or Savannah.

Your host for this evening and every evening for that fact is none other than

Mr. Sandy Larson…♦♦♦…Mr. Sandy Larson…♦♦♦…

Where is that procreator… Mr. Larson…  is obviously indisposed at this particular time

…As Usual.

Well…since we haven’t been formally introduced…allow me to

introduce myself…I’m Ruby…Ruby Gardenia…I’ll be your

entertainment for this evening… 

In fact, I’ve been the only entertainment here at Larson’s most every

evening… for five nights a week…two sets a night…for 30 some odd

years.  It’s been the only job I’ve ever had in my whole life…truth be

told. (Rethinks)

Ruby:  …Unless you want to count the time I was forced into servitude

        (Amazing Grace ♪)

as the choir director… at the Revelation Kingdom Come Missionary

Baptist Church in Jonestown, Arkansas…That was when I was being

held hostage by my first husband the charismatic Reverend Paul Pierce.

I was 16 years old…but way too old for his unmentionable taste in younger

females…It’s still hard to imagine all that happened… and that the very

man who saved me from the unbearable conditions back home in

Alabama…turned out to be a PERVERT. 

(Just As I Am)

I wonder sometimes if all those people who walked down the isle to

shake his hand and turn their lives over to the Lord Jesus Christ were

really saved…I know I sure wasn’t.

You know come to think of it…in truth…I never got a dime for that job…so

I never saw fit to count it as a real job….Wait…that’s not quite true…unless

you want to count the bus fare…to Charleston, SC…I took from his secret

stash…  After I exposed him for what he truly was to the whole

congregation…unintentionally of course…


Ruby:  …See I know for a fact…that he was skimming off the collections

Plate…not on Wednesday or Sunday Night’s take…somebody else made

those deposits …but on the Sunday mornin’ offering…that’s where he was helpin’

himself…and that’s why he adamantly…insisted…that 92 year

old …Brother Buford Greer …stay on as Church treasure …in

spite of his failing condition … after all…it was just a few mini strokes. 

So technically…No one would probably call that borrowed bus fare… Pay…maybe payback.

I had to get out of that world of hypocrisy and sexual depravity…

What would you do? 

I’ll tell you what I did…

I waited and I watched

…for the exact right moment…and I escaped. 

I wanted so bad to run home…see Brother…

He could tell me everything’s gonna be alright one more time…

But it was way too late for that.

Ruby Sings:  Normal Family


Normal Family – Songwriters:  Anna Lisa Graham & Kenya Walker

I remember Daddy yelling don’t leave this house

Looking like some freak

And Momma whispers baby he means well

Cause what would people think

He slammed the door staggered cross the floor

Passed out in his easy chair

And Momma called over to the beauty shop asking

Mildred can you fix my hair


And the walls were lined with family portraits

All from Olan Mills

Right above the dresser where Daddy kept his liquor

And Momma hid her sleeping pills

And the door was closed to brother’s room

He was never talked about

And we knew better than to open that closet

Cause a skeleton might fall out

And we thought Daddy was Father Knows Best

And Momma was Donna Reed

Just a mind your own business

And keep up appearances

Normal Family

Daddy sobered up for Sunday Service

Was a deacon in the church

When the plate was passed Momma pulled a twenty

From her patient leather purse

The Preacher at dinner talked about sinners

Lord let us pray for them

Then I found a note the Preacher had wrote

From Momma with love from him


BRIDGE:  Three months later they found the body

        The wake was on a Wednesday night

        As my Daddy lay dead my Momma just said

        Honey do I look alright


TAG: Just a mind your own business and keep up appearances

Normal Family

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